Chapter 1.10: Thoughtless

I was pretty much a lifeless, depressed bundle of misery. I laid curled up on the bed and cried. All the happiness we had felt over the twins arrival was gone. POOF! It had vanished as soon as I laid my eyes on them for the first time.

Sweet Corn Twist and Sundance Twist.

They where white. As white as they could be, actually. Drover hugged me tight before they were shown to me, and said: “They are perfect!”

As soon as I saw them in their cribs I started crying. I literally collapsed in a heap on the floor and cried. It was the worst thing that could have happened. Colorless babies. Failures. Freaks.

When Quince was born, I was so sure that all my worries had been in vain. That it was actually impossible for white genes to pass on unless a rare mutation took place. I hadn’t even worried about it during this pregnancy. I had been completely unprepared.

“It’s gonna be alright” Drover promised.

“They are perfect just the way they are” Pixie tried.

“I’ll win this time, they will have a good life” Flax said.

It didn’t matter. I couldn’t listen to them. I hated myself too much. It had been selfish and thoughtless to even consider kids. Breeding on my white genes, it was plain stupid and I cried and cried and cried for all the hurt I would cause my children. It was all my fault.

“You have to start going up” Drover complained and sat on the edge of the bed. “I can’t do this alone, Mallow. I need you. Please, please, please. I need you!”

“It’s my fault” I answered sullenly. “You shouldn’t need to have colorless kids.”

“The kids are fine!” Drover suddenly yelled and stood up. “I don’t mind having white kids, they are lovely. But you. THIS! I shouldn’t need this, Mallow! You have to get up. You have to fight. That’s who you are. How can you have forgot? Where is the strong, confident and forceful girl I fell in love with? Because this isn’t her!” He slammed the door when he went out, and the walls shook. My fireman’s coat hanging on a hook by the door fell down and I cried some more.

It was what I needed, though. Within a few hours I had managed to get up from the bed and take a shower. I still felt a bit guilty but there was also another feeling rising within me. Something that would probably be described just the way Drover described me. It was strength, confidence and force. If anyone should stand up for those two colorless babies, it had to be me. I had to fight for them.

It wasn’t exactly turning the world upside-down, but we took small steps. I did what my parents had done with me: I took my children with me around the town, like any normal family and ignored the hateful, disgusted looks we got. I refused to let anyone look down on my children. They were fine, just the way they were!

Flax loved the twins with all his heart. He was spending so much time with them, it almost felt as though he was the father. Drover was constantly working so Flax came over every day to give me an extra hand with the two. It was probably their whiteness that made him feel so attached to them. In his mind, they were the best thing that could have happened because we need more colorless sims to prove our statements.

I liked having him around because he was so positive and so certain that we were moving forward. His faith and hope had a way of rubbing off and I always felt better at heart after spending time with him.

When the kids slept we would talk about the future of Whites or the future of my children and he would assure me that things were starting to look better. He had a way of calming me down, even when I had strikes of sadness or despair.

Except for Pixie, he was my best friend.

Whites had lost some members after the previous election and we pretty much had to start over. Only that this time, we knew a lot more about the actual process. Failure is, even though it’s a cliche, the best way to success. “I think we shall play it more strategic this time” Flax said and explained that our former protests probably had done more harm than good because they made us seem violent. Not that we had been, but since colorless scared the regular ‘bow, so did our protests.

“So what shall we do then?” I asked, knowing that I couldn’t provide with a lot of time, since I had my family to care for.

“I think what you and Drover are currently doing are the best thing” he replied and smiled. “We have to provide facts to that colorless are just as real as any other berry. And I think Sundance and Sweet Corn are the perfect proof. I think they are a true blessing.”

A blessing. It had never considered their whiteness that way before. But maybe Flax was right, maybe they were a blessing. If only we could make the town see that my twins were perfect and adorable and certainly not a failure. If only!

“Who’s the best colorless baby ever? Who is it, who is it?” Flax rubbed his nose against Sundance’s. It was nice to watch them. Flax was a natural with kids and Sundance was Flax’s favourite, don’t ask me why. For some reason, Flax was certain that Sundance would be the one to mend Fondant Fields. To Flax, Sundance was the savior.

To me, Flax was the final thing to get me back to my old true self. The one who believed the world could change. The one who wouldn’t stop fighting for what she knew was right. And for that, I was him forever grateful.

“I was invited to a debate that will be broadcasted on national TV tomorrow” Flax told me the day of the twins birthday. It was closing in towards the next election and Flax was pretty much seen all around town, thanks to Whites campaign. Usually, we would just be left out in all the debates about the election, so him being invited was a huge thing and he was pretty much shining with joy and pride.

“That’s great” I said and pulled him in for a hug.

Flax responded to the hug halfheartedly before he released me. He took a firm grip of my shoulders and looked deep in to my eyes. I almost blushed by the pure act. “I want to bring Sundance” he said slow and clear.

“Bring Sundance?!”

“Just look at him! He is white and yellow. He’s the perfect mix of colorless and color. And he is the cutest thing! No one can ignore his charm, I promise!”

“… I don’t know” I responded and a hundred thoughts of what could happen to my baby rushed through my head. There was no way I was going to let him and I felt irritated about the fact that he even dared to think I would risk my kid’s safety like that.

Obviously, there was a point in Flax’s argument. Sundance was white and yellow. He was a mix, a boy with genes passed on.

Somehow, it hurt less with Sundance because he had that yellow hair. There was color in him. Sweet Corn, on the other side, was just like me. Plain, blank, colorless and white. And that scared me more than anything. Her whole life she would have to go through what I went through, but even worse. My poor little baby girl.

She was a happy child. She had the most amazing laughter you can imagine. If champagne bubbles would laugh, that’s how it would sound. I knew that would most certainly change, she wouldn’t have much reasons to laugh when society locks her up in some special school and prevents her from seeing others her own age. I wondered what that would do to her?

When our guests had left the house later that evening I was cleaning the house like a maniac. I needed dull work to keep my head off the troubling thoughts that had started with Flax’s suggestion. It was a lot easier to wipe imaginary spots off the kitchen counters than to come up with an answer for Flax.

“What’s the matter baby?” Drover asked, knowing me well enough to tell I was upset about something. I sighed deep and told him about Flax’s suggestion.

“I know what you mean” Drover said once I was done complaining about the fact that one of my best friends thought risking my babies well-being was worth it. “But I also think it’s worth it. I mean, look at him. He’ll make a great statue!”

And that was that. Sundance would be going to the TV-studio with Flax the very next day.

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6 Comments

  1. The twins are so cute ❤ I don't know that making her children an example in a rebellion is a good choice though.

    Great update ❤

    Reply
  2. Sweet babies!!

    Reply
  3. Oh Flax, you just see the bright side in everything, don’t you ^^
    I really like how mixed Mallow’s children are up till now ^^ Some of her, some of her dad, and some of Drover! ^^ I hope Sundance won’t get in trouble though…

    Reply
  4. I do love Flax’s optimism, but I hope he isn’t seriously endangering Sundance. Both twins are just adorable.

    Reply
  5. Oh dear….quite a cliffhanger. I hope Flax’s idea is a good one..

    Reply

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